a short list of things I’ve learned in 2013
I. bridges are for driving
they are for seeing things
you’d never see otherwise.
do not ruin their magic
by stopping in the middle.
II. feelings are called feelings
for a reason
listen to your heart
and your head
when your hands crave her hair
let them go
III. sometimes, people will not love you back.
that does not mean they aren’t good people.
but go where you are wanted
your time is precious.
IV. let it go
let it go
let it go
it might look messy, but I swear
it’s a safe place to rest.
till the rain falls
and every atom
in our body
starts to go home.
I have a ritual when I walk to my car at night.
I like to stare at my car for a good three seconds before I actually
move my feet
and I always hold the key in an uncomfortable position in between my fingers.
When I get about five feet to my car, I unlock and lock it again really quickly and at three feet I do the same thing.
I do not open the door immediately, but stand one foot away from the car for about two seconds, then I unlock it and open it. As soon as I get in, I press the lock button at least three times.
I am not obsessive compulsive and I am not afraid of the dark. I am woman.
I have been taught to be afraid.
Last week, a 22 year old man shot and killed several women in his hometown because he wanted to punish them for never sleeping with him,
for always rejecting him,
for saying no.
Just last month, a sixteen year old from Connecticut was murdered
when she didn’t want to go to prom with a fellow classmate.
In February, a seventeen year old girl was raped and brutally killed when she rejected the advances of several men in her area - her murderers texted her parents “We Have Killed Her to Teach Her a Lesson”
I took martial arts for eight years, but I am now afraid
to tell a man no.
The friendzone kills and I am tired of shouting to ears that
refuse to hear my pain and my fear.
You call me a feminazi and tell me I’m just being emotional,
“is it your time of the month” you ask while you laugh -
but when are you going to open your eyes and see
this is not an isolated incident
from some “psychopathic, depressed maniac”
this is my every day.
This is my flinch when they cat call, but I smile anyway.
This is my “Yes” when everything in me wants to say “No”
This is my fear.
This is your entitlement. Your rejected disappointment.
This is my death.